4 comments«1»anonymous readerReport 2013-04-02 21:23:12Two comments are right but far too kind. xxx 18 It seems more like when you read fanfiction and they have extra separate chapters containing sex scenes because it doesnt have much of a build up and happens all too quickly…although it is a fantasy try to think realistically about how a child may feel and also about Andrew what they both may be feeling and input those, also try to explain what is going on in more detail, your paragraphing is good so dont ever do a whole long paragraph always split it up… Only place for this story is the trashanonymous readerReport 2013-04-01 07:26:20Personally I think that this story may have potential, although as stated in the previous comment by that other reader it seems that it is much like a ‘rough
